- how my mother works
- me: mom i got all A's
- me: mom i cleaned the whole house
- me: mom i don't do drugs and i'm not pregnant
- mom: is this your cup on the table?
- me: yes
- mom: you never do anything right i do for you all day long and you do nothing for me but stress me out you are so out of control you are grounded if you think you had no life before you just wait i cant believe you treat your own mother this way get out of my sight
i’m sorry that i have no energy and i’m sorry i’m depressed and can’t sleep at night and i’m sorry that when i do fall asleep i sleep until 3 and i’m sorry i’m no fun to be around and i’m sorry i’m so insecure and can’t eat the same food you do and i’m sorry i’m going no where in life and have no reason to even wake up
Me: “What browser are you on?”
Me: “Google Chrome?”
Client: “No, just regular Google.”
Me: “That’s the site. I want to know the browser.”
Client: “Look, we can have this conversation forever, man. But when I hit the internet logo, Google comes up!”
Me: “Okay…What does that “internet logo” look like?
Client: “…A fiery fox, I guess. But that’s irrelevant.”
i’m thankful my childhood was filled with imagination and bruises from playing outside, instead of apps and how many damn likes you get on a picture
Never be jealous when you see someone with your ex because our parents taught us to give our used toys to the less fortunate.